What do you say to church members who disapprove of your God-centered relationship? Part 1 (Sean's take)

This is a difficult question to answer for several reasons. I'll just tell you my problems with the question and hopefully that will point you towards the answer to your question.

1) I Don't Know Who these Church Members Are

There are a number of different church members who might be raising concerns.

Is it your girlfriend's parents? If so, then you need to respect them as an authority over them. If you can't submit to their authority, you aren't ready to be dating.

Is it a more mature believer who loves you and wants the best for both of you? In that case, you would be foolish to ignore their concerns. There are reasons why they could be wrong, but you'd be a fool (in the biblical sense) to ignore their guidance.

Proverbs 13:20 "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm."

Is it someone who has different convictions regarding dating and courtship? We're not all going to agree about everything. The Bible gives us some clear commands and some principles, but it doesn't give us an instruction book for relationships. The Bible does tell us how to deal with differences in non-essentials. Read Romans 14-15. Here's a preview

Romans 14
1 Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters.

Is it your sexual active drug addicted friend with no moral compass? You really don't want to take dating advise from people who are more screwed up than you.

2) I Don't Know Why They Disapprove

Without knowing their specific objection, I can't really tell you how to respond. I would recommend you listen to their concerns. Correct any misconceptions. Accept any corrections. Reason with them. But at the end of the day, you may simply disagree over a non-essential.

3) You Don't Have the Best Perspective to Determine Your Relationship is God-Centered?

We're all sinners with deceptive hearts (Jeremiah 17:9, Romans 3). Without accountability, we'll quickly be led deep into sin by our own hearts. We'll over-look areas of sin and rationalize foolish decisions.

The problem is that when you're in a relationship, you have a whole bunch of reasons to rationalize and justify a poor relationship. Most church members don't have motivations to randomly want to break your relationship up. So they will likely have a better perspective on your relationship than you do (assuming they love Jesus). Of course, if it's a bitter or jealous peer, you can probably ignore their feedback.


The bottom line is that if it's a godly person who loves you, you need to listen to their concerns because they can see faults you miss. If it's a fool with faulty motives, it's probably best to ignore their words.

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