Thursday, March 26, 2009

What do you say to church members who disapprove of your God-centered relationship? Part 2 (Jenn's take)

Well, I think Sean summarized it pretty well already, but here's my two cents:

One thing that I think is essential in resolving conflict of any kind is a "safe" environment. Nobody is at their best behavior when they feel threatened, insulted, belittled, or disrespected. Keep this in mind when you think about this issue.

In what context have these people expressed concerns about your relationship? How did you respond?
If they're accusatory, chances are, you're going to go on the defensive and not listen to what they're saying -- that's what I did when I found myself in this situation many years ago. Here are just a few ideas to try to help you from doing what I did:
- Try to make your goal not to WIN the argument, but to understand the other person's point of view.
- If tempers are flaring, or emotions are running high, take a break -- express your interest in hearing the person's concerns out, but not in a shouting match
- Regardless of who is confronting you, remember that you are accountable for your actions/reactions, regardless of the delivery of the disapproval.

Also, if you have a mentor or accountability partner that you trust, arrange to meet with them and discuss the situation. Tell them why others seem to disapprove of your relationship, discuss your standpoint, and be prepared to LISTEN to what they have to say in response to this.

Above all else, your most powerful ally in this situation is prayer. Pray for your attitude, for wisdom and discernment to find the truth, for God to reveal to you the direction you should go, or reveal to those with issues with your relationship that all is well -- pray, pray, pray, and PRAY!

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