How do you know when the girl/boy you are dating is the one God has destined for you?

First off, I'll start off by saying that I do not believe that God has picked out one specific person you're supposed to find and marry. I don't see that idea in scripture, and I think it works in the practical sense.

If you think about it, if God has picked one person for you but he doesn't tell you explicitly who it is, then we're left to guess work to figure out the will of God. The idea that God has a specific desire for your life which isn't communicated to us, does not sit well with me, and I don't see it in scripture.

One of the dangers of putting too much emphasis on finding "the one" is that scripture doesn't put a big emphasis on finding "the one." Instead of seeing a bunch of passages about "oneness," I see a bunch of passages about masculinity, femininity, marriage, and pursing God. If that is the focus of scripture, that needs to be our focus.

Instead of looking for a magical person with a halo glowing over their head indicating their "oneness," look for someone who loves Jesus, shares your vision for life, who you get along with. That's it.


If you want to know what a godly man or woman looks like, read Titus 2.

Titus 2

1You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

3Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

6Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.


Second, don't focus on finding "the one," focus on being "the one." You can't control the people around you. You can't control who God will put in your life. But you can control your behavior. You can work on your character. You can devote yourself to pursing Christ.

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